Fears

Ok, next up on the list.... 3 legitimate fears and how they became fears.

Honestly, I don't really feel like I have many fears. Yeah I get scared sometimes but there's only a few things that I run away from if they are even presented to me. Actually there's only one thing that I can think of right now, so I'll start writing about that and maybe others will come to me.

My fear.. dundundun... butterflies. Yeah shut up, I know you're laughing and saying things like "she's not serious", "who's scared of butterflies?" and "butterflies?! I love butterflies, they're SOOOO PRETTY!". Uh um NO THEY ARE NOT! Have you ever really looked at one of those things? It looks like an honest to G-O-D alien. No lie. It's got creepy eyes, big old antennas and kfjhsidfjbsd seriously just got heebee geebees. I guess I fear butterflies the same way people fear spiders. The reality is they're probably just going to mind their business and not bother you but you just can't stand the thought that it could touch you. There's also this thing about the way that it would crunch if you ever stepped on one that just totally grosses me out. Anyways. I also categorize my fear of preying mantises, dragonflies, crickets and grasshoppers with my fear of butterflies. I hate them all for the same reasons. Plus when it comes to grasshoppers I once tried to hold one and it jumped on my face, wasn't such a great experience.

I guess another fear I have is the fear of being someone that I'm not. Within this I would say that I don't want to be fake or feel like I'm pretending to be someone else, I want to always be true to myself and the person I see myself as on the inside. Granted this changes over time, I see myself completely differently now then I did even 2 years ago. I'm not afraid of that person changing or evolving just as long as I truly am the person I'm showing people. I would also say that this involves the fear of ending up being someone I don't want to be. Like that one day I will wake up and realize that I'm a really crappy person and my life is terrible and I hate everything about myself. I feel like there's a bazzillion movies and books about this and they've gotten in my head! It's not so much that I feel like I'm on my way there, in fact I feel the complete opposite, but that what if I don't know and just one day it happens, and all of the sudden I'm consumed in misery. So with that being said, I really do always try to make decisions to please myself, and not necessarily anyone else. It's created conflict before, especially as a teenager with parents who actually cared about my well being. But I know that at the end of the day I don't regret anything and I've lived my life that day the way that I wanted to live it. Sometimes I pay the price for my actions, but because I know I ultimately made the decision I take the repercussions head on and accept them. Anyways, I'm sorta off topic. Basically one of the biggest compliments my mom has ever given me was telling me that she didn't feel like she had to worry about me because I always knew who I was and I wouldn't ever let anybody change me. So thanks mom, for reassuring me, that I am me.

And I can't think of any other fears really, except for those stupid ones instilled in me from scary movies. Like that if I ever look at a TV when it's turned off there's going to be a reflection of an alien behind me, or that if even my toe comes out from under my covers some invisible monster is going to drag me out of bed and down the hallway and try to stuff me into the attic. But those are just ridiculous! (as I tuck my feet under a blanket)