Hope

I don't think I need to express my saddness for what happened in Connecticut publicly. It was tragic and most of us can acknowledge that. However I would like to point out something that has been bothering me for a while now. My friend Janine, posted this to Facebook today and I couldn't agree with her more.  

"if I see one more comment like this one.... "If there was one armed, law abiding citizen in that school, this may have been averted -- instead they have to WAIT for the police."........ I don't know... I am so tired of that mentality. It is such a load of bullshit."

Seriously people. 
I don't think that advocating fighting gun violence with more gun violence is going to solve our problem. Guns are capable of one thing and one thing only, serious harm. There is no "good" that comes from firing a gun. Ok, yes you are going to argue with me about responsible gun ownership and use, and that not everyone is crazy. And sure, you're right. BUT at the end of it all, someone/something still ends up dead. Be it for the greater good or not, I don't think a life should be taken so lightly. Just as that person today killed other's children, he was a child of some poor father who I'm sure is grieving the loss of their child and his mother along with the rest of the country. Do I think what he did was right, absolutely not. Do I feel sympathy for him, yes. People don't just get up one day and decide, I think it would be a really grandiose idea to go kill a bunch of kids. No. They go through something that has made them devalue not only the lives of others, but their own as well, so much so that it really doesn't matter any more. 
So instead of us preaching of violence to fight violence. Why don't we preach about compassion and love to fight hate and self loathing. Instead of arguing about gun control and the right to bear arms, how about we say hello, please and thank you and share words of encouragement with each other. Stop bringing people down and being an advocate of hate. Be someone who at least tries to see good in others, or tries to make someone's day a little better. Hold the door for people. Speak kindly. Value others. And be respectful. I know I can't change the world by smiling at someone at work, but at least if that person turns around and goes on a rampage I'll know I did something to try and pull them back from that brink, instead of pushing them over the edge. 
Our culture sucks, and I don't think that's news to anyone, but it's not going to change if we just keep talking about it. Actions speak louder than words, and if we want change we need to be the ones to bring it. 
P.S. I'm not saying I'm a saint. 85% of the time I suck at doing exactly what I'm saying. But I think it's the attempt that makes us better. And I really do set out with the attempt to be a good and loving person. Sometimes life gets to us and we are our own worst enemy, but all you can do is pick everything back up and try again. And that's all I'm asking of anyone.

This Day In History

Well here is my election day post. Don't worry, who won and my thoughts on it wont be discussed. Instead I have a newfound patriotism for my country. I don't think I've ever realized how awesome this ability to vote is. Here's a little review of how my day went.
I woke up, remembered I could vote, got super excited, and then almost bailed on it because I didn't want to have to get ready for work any earlier then I already had to. How pathetic right? Luckily I talked myself into going. I really didn't want to miss out on an opportunity I've been waiting for for so long.
So I get to my voting place and start sweating because I'm worried I have no idea what I'm doing and I hate making a fool of myself out of ignorance. But everyone was really nice and helpful and it went nice and smooth (mostly).
And then as I was sitting there filling in little bubbles I kinda had a moment...
I realized how FREAKING AWESOME it is that I was there. That I was able to say exactly what I wanted to and not have it analyzed by anyone else. I could simply state my opinion, hand it to someone who would take it into consideration (just as equally as anyone else's) and be done. And that was that. How cool is it that some old dudes a long time ago fought for me to be able to fill in bubbles. Sure you think thats sarcasm but it's not. I may be drastically out voted in my state and my presidential vote might be irrelevant to my state as a whole. But there's so many other things I said today in little bubble language that did matter. I exercised a right that many people don't have today. I felt like I did something important today. I felt like part of something bigger than myself today. And for that I am grateful.


P.S. Thanks Mom and Dad for setting a great example for me. Now I finally get an "I Voted" sticker of my own :]

To School Or Not To School, That Is The Question

Well I haven't blogged in forever. (Like I ever really did..) But today I'm feeling disheartened. I feel like I'm trying SO FREAKING HARD to be progressive and move forward in my life. I'm working my butt off to try and get where I want to be and I feel like it's all crashing down around me. I just started signing up for my classes for next semester and realized that I'm not even a junior yet. That this upcoming semester will be the start of my junior year at BSU. SERIOUSLY? I've been in school for 5 semesters. I've been wasting away my life going in and out of classrooms, squashing ridiculous amounts of information into my fairly small head and trying my damnedest to get good grades for the last 2 and a half years and I feel like I've gotten no where. Im just barely to the halfway point when all my friends are about to graduate. I just want it to be over. I hate school. The best part is, I don't even like my major anymore. I have NO IDEA what I want to do with my life. I literally switch between two majors (photography, graphic design) every semester thinking that maybe, just maybe it will finally click and it will all make sense and I'll finally know i'm where I'm supposed to be. But it hasn't happened yet. Don't get me wrong, I love art. I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life, but how am I going to make a living in it? I don't want to be a portrait photographer, and honestly I don't have the confidence in my photography abilities that I used to. I just don't think that it's for me. And graphic design is just my fall back plan, I know I could be good at it, but I don't like it, and I don't have much knowledge in it. So I'm now to the point where I just don't know why I'm even doing this to myself anymore. I want my degree, but I don't have a clue what I want it in. And I already feel so behind that the last thing I want to do is start all over.
And on the other hand I have cosmetology school. I've ALWAYS wanted to go to hair school. But my parents basically told me it wasn't good enough and bribed me into going to college. Which isn't a bad thing. I appreciate that they pushed me to go to college. I appreciate the education that I've received and the things I've learned. I appreciate my Associates degree and the accomplishment it made me feel. I appreciate the determination that has been instilled in me through them. But I really do think I want to go to cosmetology school. It's what I always come back to and every time I hear someone is going to beauty school I get a little pang of jealousy. However thanks to good old mom and dad I feel like it still isn't good enough, and I also suck at giving up on things. I refuse to give up on my Bachelors. I need it. I've worked way to hard to just throw in the towel. So basically I feel torn and lost and it's been going on for months.
I have no idea what I'm going to do, but writing things out always helps me get my brain back on track. It makes me think rationally again so maybe now I can actually get down to business and sort my crap out. We can only hope. Thanks for baring with my ramblings and complaining.

Fears

Ok, next up on the list.... 3 legitimate fears and how they became fears.

Honestly, I don't really feel like I have many fears. Yeah I get scared sometimes but there's only a few things that I run away from if they are even presented to me. Actually there's only one thing that I can think of right now, so I'll start writing about that and maybe others will come to me.

My fear.. dundundun... butterflies. Yeah shut up, I know you're laughing and saying things like "she's not serious", "who's scared of butterflies?" and "butterflies?! I love butterflies, they're SOOOO PRETTY!". Uh um NO THEY ARE NOT! Have you ever really looked at one of those things? It looks like an honest to G-O-D alien. No lie. It's got creepy eyes, big old antennas and kfjhsidfjbsd seriously just got heebee geebees. I guess I fear butterflies the same way people fear spiders. The reality is they're probably just going to mind their business and not bother you but you just can't stand the thought that it could touch you. There's also this thing about the way that it would crunch if you ever stepped on one that just totally grosses me out. Anyways. I also categorize my fear of preying mantises, dragonflies, crickets and grasshoppers with my fear of butterflies. I hate them all for the same reasons. Plus when it comes to grasshoppers I once tried to hold one and it jumped on my face, wasn't such a great experience.

I guess another fear I have is the fear of being someone that I'm not. Within this I would say that I don't want to be fake or feel like I'm pretending to be someone else, I want to always be true to myself and the person I see myself as on the inside. Granted this changes over time, I see myself completely differently now then I did even 2 years ago. I'm not afraid of that person changing or evolving just as long as I truly am the person I'm showing people. I would also say that this involves the fear of ending up being someone I don't want to be. Like that one day I will wake up and realize that I'm a really crappy person and my life is terrible and I hate everything about myself. I feel like there's a bazzillion movies and books about this and they've gotten in my head! It's not so much that I feel like I'm on my way there, in fact I feel the complete opposite, but that what if I don't know and just one day it happens, and all of the sudden I'm consumed in misery. So with that being said, I really do always try to make decisions to please myself, and not necessarily anyone else. It's created conflict before, especially as a teenager with parents who actually cared about my well being. But I know that at the end of the day I don't regret anything and I've lived my life that day the way that I wanted to live it. Sometimes I pay the price for my actions, but because I know I ultimately made the decision I take the repercussions head on and accept them. Anyways, I'm sorta off topic. Basically one of the biggest compliments my mom has ever given me was telling me that she didn't feel like she had to worry about me because I always knew who I was and I wouldn't ever let anybody change me. So thanks mom, for reassuring me, that I am me.

And I can't think of any other fears really, except for those stupid ones instilled in me from scary movies. Like that if I ever look at a TV when it's turned off there's going to be a reflection of an alien behind me, or that if even my toe comes out from under my covers some invisible monster is going to drag me out of bed and down the hallway and try to stuff me into the attic. But those are just ridiculous! (as I tuck my feet under a blanket)

Random Facts

I found a list of things to write about for 30 days on your blog. I thought it was a smart idea and a good way to get me started blogging. However it will definitely not be done for 30 consecutive days, but i'll try to get through the list.

Here's the list if anyone else wants to try it, or just want to know what's coming up.

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

So starting with item 1, 20 random facts.

1. My full name is Allyssa, not Ally or Allison.

2. I'm married

3. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (yes I will claim it now days)

4. I did NOT get married because I was pregnant thankyouverymuch

5. I have a cat, and I talk to him like a person

6. My birthday is March 14th (tomorrow!!)

7. My birthday is also called Pi Day, 3.14 and is Albert Einstein's birthday, however I suck at math

8. I love photography, It's what I'm getting my degree in

9. I don't like feet. My feet especially, they are the single thing I'm the most self conscious about.

10. As a kid I played soccer, volleyball, basketball, tennis, and did swim team.

11. I love the water, I love the ocean, one day I want to live by either a lake or the ocean. 

12. My family has two dogs, Scout and Duchess. I claim Duchess as mine, she's FAT and old and my best friend.

13. I like watching TV, but only when I'm following a series. Right now it's Supernatural, the Vampire Diaries and The Walking Dead. I just finished Gossip Girl.

14. I'm obsessed with zombie/post apocalypse movies. They're my absolute favorite.

15. I like piercings and tattoos. 

16. I have 5 piercings right now. The most I've ever had at once is 7.

17. I'm ALWAYS cold. seriously it's 72 degrees in my house (at least upstairs) and I'm sitting under a blanket with the fireplace on next to me. ALWAYS COLD

18. I'm the oldest of 3 kids. I have a younger brother and sister.

19. I work at Target, the work sucks but I love the people I work with.

20. My favorite food is potatoes. Cliche since I'm from Idaho but seriously there's no way that I wont eat a potato.

The Start of Something New

So I decided today that I would start a blog. I then proceeded to create one and found out that apparently I had had this same idea a few months ago and already had a profile. Who knew? Well anyways, I've decided to start a blog. I figure it's a great way to keep everyone posted on what's going on in our lives and for me to waste more time on the internet. Two birds, one stone, right?

Logan and I got married a little over a year ago (October 2010). Since then life has been a little crazy, but wonderful. We stayed in Boise for about 6 months and then packed up and moved to Utah for a summer, Logan was selling pest control door to door for his second summer. That summer was interesting and pretty stressful on our relationship, he worked long hours so we didn't get to spend much time together, the company we were both working for was basically dysfunctional, I had no friends and my car decided to break down in the middle of it all. I'm definitely hoping for some better summers to come. When we moved back to Boise this last August we moved in with Logan's parents while we were both going to school and tried to find our own place. We acquired a new cat and named him Hurley. He's a pain in the butt, but totally adorable so we keep him around. Trying to find a place to live was an adventure, one that finally ended with Logan getting a job at Micron and us finally having enough money to afford to live on our own. We just moved in to a cute little 2 bedroom townhouse about a month ago. So far so good! We don't have a couch so we just sit on the floor, but it still fells great to FINALLY have a place to unpack all our stuff and really settle in. I love just having it be the two of us, we can be as ridiculous as we want and no one has to witness it. The only messes i have to clean up are my own an occasionally some of Logan's and the best part is I NEVER HAVE TO DO THE DISHES! Logan and I have an arrangement, I do laundry, he does the dishes. It works perfectly. Anyways, Logan's working nights so it gets lonely around here with just me and the cat (hence why I'm writing this at 4:30 in the morning). For the first time ever I spent the night completely alone in an empty house, it's not very pleasant but I'm getting used to it. Aside from that I'm really enjoying life right now. Work hasn't been too bad lately, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel with school. I'm getting my Associates in Liberal Arts this semester and then I'll have about 2 more years at BSU to get my Bachelors. The hard work is finally paying off. I love when you can finally see the fruits of your labors and I feel like we just had a massive harvest. I love my husband so much and am so grateful to have him in my life. I love having two sets of parents who still take care of us and give us some really great advice when we need it. And I love ALL my siblings, biological or not, that have become some of my best friends.

AK